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soccergrl3g4
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Name: Rachel
Birthday: 3/8/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: Turning Point♥, talking, MUSIC♥, HOUSE MD♥, summer, FRIENDS♥, my cell phone, DDR♥♥, reading, JESUS♥, scrapbooking, MISSION trips♥, hoodies, watching SPORTS♥, the colour silver, my iPOD♥, Flippin Flamants, BRIAN REGAN♥, texting, AIM♥, Orbit gum, TRACK♥, shopping, FORENSICS♥, spanish, SNOW♥
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  pjsarefuzzy
Member Since:
7/27/2004
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| i don't want to lose my house.
i just don't.
i've lived here for 4 years now. only four and i finally got to move into the biggest spare bedroom because my sister finally got married.
we just paid 10k or so to finish the effing red room and i love it. it's my favorite room of any house i've ever seen.
it's mine.
it's not someones who can just go and buy it and its theirs.
i designed it. i watched the builders finish it. i decorated it. i paid for a lot of it.
its MINE dammit.
i feel so selfish but i can't help it. i finally get settled, finally after the biggest change of my entire life, after my entire world falls to pieces and i finally am okay again. and they come and fuck me up again. AGAIN.
my mom is going to frickin kill herself going a whole year maybe more without my stepdad. she needs him. i need him. i need my family. this house is so much to me. so many memories so many things i never thought i'd have to let go of. i've already DONE that. why do i have to do it again?!?!
why can't i do ANYTHING about this. i have absolutely no control over my future, no control over anything right now.
all i want is my family and my house together, in dexter.
is that so much to ask for?
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| wow. its been practically 6 months since i posted.
tons of things have happened.
tons of things have changed.
the only reason i'm on right now actually is because its me and joel's one year tommorow and i wanted to go back and find the entries i posted around that time.
so yes, joel and i are still dating. it hasn't always been fun, happy, pretty and its definately not been perfect but what can i say, its us and that is all i could ever hope or wish for.
i've been working on myself lately. understanding what i believe and differentiating my faith from my parents has been a constant struggle for a while now. i'm tryign to sort it all out by researching and reading and praying. it's a constant struggle but i know i'll come out in the end.
the joel/rachel/phil/ryan/michelle group has semi-disbanded. its complicated. we're all still friends...we're all still good friends. we just rarely hang out altogether anymore. ironically, we actually did all get together tonight for desert at bennigans to give final christmas gifts that we hadn't gotten around to giving yet. i'm still close with everyone, just it a lot of different ways than before. we've all been through a lot and made different choices in our friends and lifestyles and it shows in the friendships we have. i know i'll always love them all to death no matter how far i know we'll eventually become. ryan and michelle are still going strong at a year and six months last week. phil has had things on and off but nothing serious since mary.
i don't know why i'm saying all this. nostalgia? maybe.
i've still never lost that weight. i'm still only around 3 pounds off what i wanted to be. but i've learned a lot about myself. for one, i've realized that i may be 3lbs off but i don't look it. weight means nothing next to inches and muscle mass. if i looked half as good as i "wished" i did, i'd probably weigh more just because of the muscle i'd have.
anyway, school this year is quite...interesting. bluntly, i hate it. i think its pointless and the classes i'm taking will not benefit me in the future. as of now, i have my heart set on the graphic design program at ferris state university. this may change in time, i dont know. i've kept my grades good this year regardless of how much i've hated it and i've kept almost straight A's this whole semester. B in math as usual and as of now i also have one in chem (though i got an A- at quarter) first forensics tourney was today (ford fest...i placed 4th) which is the tournament that joel asked me out on the bus on the way home from last year. he's never sang to me since and i know his reasons but its so...glorious remembering him do that. just for me. just to make me happy. gah, the decisions we make.
i've learned a lot about how my actions affect others and how i have to prethink consequences and decisions i make.
i think the past year has matured me more than any other i can remember. i don't know the long term good/bad of this but i hope its all for the better.
for the record, my best friends are: Joel Snider, Ryan Aliapoulios, Phillip Huddleston, Michelle Chirby, Adam Swenson, Ali and Kerry Aschenbach and Marianne Vu. I'm also still somewhat close with my portage lovers Shannon Campbell, Jenny Lentz, Katie Gale and Tina Walter.
my favorite bands/singers are: Jason Mraz, Death Cab for Cutie, Jack Johnson, Acceptance, etc etc pretty much the same as before.
i have no job still and don't realy feel the need to get one right now. i still don't know whether i want to do track this year or not. i really want to keep fit and i feel like tracks the only way to do that but i just don't think my hearts in it this year. i'm sick of working hard and sucking just because i'm not willing to slave in the off-season about it. i know that sounds stupid but its true.
oh i forgot. joel got the lead in Joseph and the Multi-Colored Coat for our spring play at school. :] yay for him.
Turning Point is still a regular thing for me. I have a new small group with Lori Rey leading it and I'm into scrapbooking more than ever before. Though i ahve realizxed that my work is literally 50x better when i'm making stuff for other people [aka stuff i hve to give away]. its really annoying come to think of it :P
Anyway, i have to finish part of my anniversary gift to joel before i go to bed tonight. i'm exaughsted. [been up since 5.....over 19 hours now =]!]
once again, i dont know what this is for or anything. i just felt compelled to do it. dissapointingly i only started a written journal a fewmonths ago so the ridiuclous details of my days between july and the end of november are pretty much no longer existant. i think i can let go of that though. another thing i've tried to change lately. i'm a clinger. i cling to the things that i remember and loved. consequently practically everything in life never matches up and that always leaves me with dire dissapointment and bitterness at how much better life was when i was "younger and more carefree" though i should still be like that, its not that simple. i'll be 17 soon, i have to worry about grades and colleges and ACT/SAT crap and such. no, its not the end of the world if i screw those up, but its a heck of a lot more responsability than i've ever had before.
in conclusion, i'm sure no one [maybe steve koller or ria or ryan!] will read this and i don't blame them, i did this for myself, not for anyone else.
thanks for listening :]
g'night world.
Happy One Year Joel Stephenson Snider.
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| well i lied.
i never did bike trip pics.
i will someday.
then again, literally no one looks at this anymore but me.
someday, maybe if i have a lot of spare money, i'll print out every page of this and keep it for myself. maybe ill even publish it. though its not so interesting. itd just be cool to say i'd have published something.
tommorow [er today] im leaving for dtown [the real dtown.... ;p] till thursday night. ill be back soon!
i went to see gretch yesterday for her bday party in marshall. it was super fun! joel came with and id forgotten how much i really love gretchen. :[ we're going shopping when i get back from thailand! =D
these past few weeks have just been amazingly full of fun. the scrapbook store is officially closed so that kind of sucks though in the past week and a half i've spent around $50 there and saved around $150. i seriously dont think ill ever need to shop for scrapping ever again. maybe for an embellishment here and there, but more than that? seriously, im set with everytyhing i could ever need.
God bless us all, wherever we're going to be this week, keep us safe and sound and calm our minds and hearts. there are no goodbyes
just...i'll see you later :] | | |
| oh great xanga...how i have abandoned you so....
.....i will update with dcla pictures soon.....
....promise!
plus even a few entries from my journal while on the trip!
and future things
when i have more time
tonight is parental family bonding night.
because i realy havent been home in like a week.
we just had a scrumptous dinner and now we're going to kohls. jeffs idea. i assume he wants something but he claims its good family bonding ;)
<33 | | |
| im leaving in like 3 minutes.
yayayyyayyayay.
i'll miss you all.
have a great 4th of july.
sorry i cant be here joel :[
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
yeah that sums it up.
see you on the 5th! | | |
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